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The ABC’s of Grief – A 3 Step Model for Grief

Grief is complex.

Usually, it’s a time to be present with those who share our grief. During the pandemic, that norm is complicated by the limits on how close we can keep our loved ones. This presents us with an interesting challenge: to reimagine and evaluate how we mourn in this time of crisis. I thought it would be an appropriate time to present an approach to grief that brings us closer to ourselves when we cannot be close to our loved ones.

1) Acknowledge

Notice that you’re grieving. Start with how you are feeling. Grief comes with a complicated array of emotions. Take note of the layers and complexity of these emotions, of whether they sway or hold steady. Just notice them and let that be the first step toward reflecting on whom or what you’ve lost.

2) Be Patient

As you identify the feelings attached to the loss, it is important to be patient and go easy on yourself. You share a story with the individuals in your life. Within these stories are moments of happiness, joy, pain, and anger. Remind yourself that as a consequence of this, emotions may arise that could make us feel ashamed or guilty. Give yourself time to sit with the complicated array of emotions.

3) Care for yourself

In times of loss it is easy to get caught up in the work that comes along with it. It’s important to remind ourselves to take a second and ensure we are practicing our own self-care routines. Remind yourself that even though you are caring for others, you also need time to rest, grieve and sit with your loss.

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