How many times have you heard people say to you, “work hard” or “hustle harder”?
Plenty probably. But as your life changes, you might start to realize that those old rules are not something you can (or care to) keep up with.
So then the question now becomes, is it at all possible to still be super successful AND do things your way?
Recently Megan Rafuse, Real Campus & Shift Co-Founder, sat down with The Good Grow Great Podcast to talk about the value of treating yourself like you would your own best friend. And:
26:12 The compound effects that can change your business success for worse or better.
27:08 How to deal with a lot of unknowns, uncertainties, and how to get control back to your business.
28:02 How to deal with unprecedented grief, stress, and frustration.
29:25 How to create a new normal that would work for you.
30:01 Ways to stay in control in a high-pressured or chaotic situation.
Listen in on Spotify or Apple Podcast.
Grief is complex.
Usually, it’s a time to be present with those who share our grief. During the pandemic, that norm is complicated by the limits on how close we can keep our loved ones. This presents us with an interesting challenge: to reimagine and evaluate how we mourn in this time of crisis. I thought it would be an appropriate time to present an approach to grief that brings us closer to ourselves when we cannot be close to our loved ones.
Notice that you’re grieving. Start with how you are feeling. Grief comes with a complicated array of emotions. Take note of the layers and complexity of these emotions, of whether they sway or hold steady. Just notice them and let that be the first step toward reflecting on whom or what you’ve lost.
2) Be Patient
As you identify the feelings attached to the loss, it is important to be patient and go easy on yourself. You share a story with the individuals in your life. Within these stories are moments of happiness, joy, pain, and anger. Remind yourself that as a consequence of this, emotions may arise that could make us feel ashamed or guilty. Give yourself time to sit with the complicated array of emotions.
3) Care for yourself
In times of loss it is easy to get caught up in the work that comes along with it. It’s important to remind ourselves to take a second and ensure we are practicing our own self-care routines. Remind yourself that even though you are caring for others, you also need time to rest, grieve and sit with your loss.
Today marks the 2020 US election. 😱
Okay, take a deep breath.
Now, as a Canadian company, you may think… well, why are you thinking/writing/worried about the US election?
A couple reasons. First, we deliver a ton of mental health training in the US and have a ton of American clients. Second, personally, I consider the US my second home having lived and worked there. Third, we can’t deny that this is a global moment or reckoning of the kind of world that we want to build.
While that sounds heady, it’s not really. This election has very real consequences for us in Canada, the kinds of behaviour that’s normalized among our leaders, and the validation (or rebuttal) of the worst human impulses.
Feeling anxious yet? If you are (like me), here’s what we can all do today…
Trust our gut
Over the past four years, we’ve been exposed to a firehose of hate, division, fear-mongering, alienation, and cruelty in a way that was previously unfathomable. Many of us have become addicted to staying up to date on each development (see John Mulaney’s bit on comparing the Trump Whitehouse to a horse in a hospital). The emotional scars of the past four years are immense, let alone the anticipation of an election that could make this chapter history.
All of this is to say, there’s no need to feel guilt or shame in how you feel about this election. This anxiety runs deep. So trust whatever you’re feeling — because you’re feeling it with good reason.
Take any action
This kind of nervous-jittery-anxiety is best countered by taking civic action. What kind of action? Well, anything really, so long as you are using that same fire that’s within you right now for good.
Write something on Facebook about how you’re feeling about today. WhatsApp your American friends and ask how tensions are in their community. Use this as an opportunity to reconnect with old peers or friends. Moments of collective anxiety are ripe for reconnection. Take advantage of that.
If you’re hungry for more, shift your focus to what’s local, even if you’re in Canada. Know that crosswalk in your neighbourhood that’s dangerous? Write to your counsellor. Know that provincial proposal that’s frustrating you? Sign a petition. Know that issue you’ve been meaning to learn more about? Dive into it. Action beats inaction. Choosing our focus is an act of control. And when we feel a sense of control, our anxiety can be tamed.
Limit the scrolling and reloading
Refreshing CNN or FiveThirtyEight all day won’t make a difference. Nor will scanning Twitter incessantly. The results will come in as they do (or don’t… looking at you Pennsylvania!). Make a plan to consume coverage in a measured way and stick to it. That means, for example, checking out the news once an hour for five minutes. Later tonight when results start coming in, pick a channel you’ll watch and set a window for when you’ll tune in. Don’t be afraid to break up that CNN time with something funny — like an episode of It’s Me or the Dog.
Find solace in like-minded voices
I’ve found a great deal of comfort in the content from Crooked, the media juggernaut launched by ex-Obama staffers that include podcasts like Pod Save America. On these big nights, they do something called the “Group Thread” where they broadcast their own Slack channel with a feed from MSNBC on YouTube. Their team shares their candid, hilarious reactions to each development in a way that humanizes the profundity of the moment. It’s a great normalizer, reminding us that if you’re outraged, scared, or hopeful that there are millions of people out there just like you. If you’re looking for something lighter, Steven Colbert is doing a long livestream over on Showtime. And if you’re looking for something insightful, The Daily is doing their first-ever live show starting at 4pm EST.
Accept that we’re not done yet
Regardless of what happens, tonight won’t be the end of the past four years or the messes that it’s caused. There will be uncalled races, heightened tensions, and a — at a minimum — a president that won’t be out of office until January. Accept that there’s still a lot to happen beyond this evening — and believe that you have more control over your anxiety than you might think.
And if you need support at any time in the aftermath of tonight, we’re always here for you.
“So, here you are. Too foreign for home. Too foreign for here, never enough for both”. The first time I read this quote, feelings of sadness and confusion splashed over me and I suddenly felt like I didn’t belong. At that time, it would’ve been my second year since I had left my home country, where I now felt like a visitor. It took over four years to find my own place, that happy medium that combined elements from my native culture and from the new culture that I’m still trying to call my “home”. Feeling out of place was one the most challenging experiences I’ve had to endure but it certainty taught me some valuable lessons along the way.
If you’re someone who recently left home in pursuit of bigger and better opportunities and struggling to find your place, here are some things to consider to help you cope with feelings of loss:
Recognize the symptoms. Is it loneliness? Homesickness? Sadness? Nostalgia? Recognizing and naming your symptoms can help you understand where these feelings are coming from and allow you to have control over how they affect your daily functioning. It’s important to understand that feeling sad doesn’t necessarily mean you’re depressed. Recognize that this feeling can be situational and doesn’t have to impact the rest of your day. It’s okay to feel sad and nostalgic when thinking about your past life; in fact, it’s expected. However, know that you can also move past it.
Be present. Oftentimes, you may find yourself daydreaming about your old life and won’t realize how much we’re missing out. It’s true that going back in time brings us a sense of comfort and induces a familiar feeling but it also keeps us from enjoying our new surroundings. Practice living in the moment and keep an open mind. Rather than fearing the differences, welcome them and think of much you can grow. As someone who enjoys the routine and isn’t particularly fond of change, this was a challenge for me as I had to train myself to live in the present. It’s incredible the things you learn when you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone.
Find a purpose. Setting daily goals will help shift your focus and enhance feelings of productivity. These can be anything that will make you feel like you’re working towards something. For me, it was choosing to focus on my health and incorporating a daily workout routine while tracking and monitoring my results. Did it help me fall in love with the new environment? Probably not but it was a reason for me to get out of bed every morning and distract myself from negative thoughts.
Get involved. Definitely easier said than done. Personally, this is something I dreaded. I kept being told to involve myself in social events and improve my network but what does that even mean? Do I show up at random places and initiate a conversation? Do I connect with someone on LinkedIn and hope for the best? It took me months before I had the courage to sign up for an event I had found on the internet. Did I make new friends and kept in touch? Not really but I saw it as a personal achievement back then and overtime, attending events and talking to people had become a less torturous task. If you’re someone who doesn’t naturally blend in well with people, it’s okay. Don’t let that be a reason to keep you away from new opportunities and instead see it as a way to challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone; even if that means forcing yourself to attend an event at least once every two months.
Keep familiar things around you. As we integrate into the new environment, we may find ourselves slowly stepping away from our cultural roots. That’s totally normal! If you’re ever feeling homesick, do something that reminds you of home (i.e. listen to music, eat your favorite meal). As you make new friends, try introducing your favorite foods to them to strengthen the connection between familiar sources of comfort and new sources of emotional support.
Allow times to take its course. Be patient. You’re not expected to adapt right away and it may take you a few months to a few years to find your place. In the meantime, try to enjoy the differences and accept the hardships. Allow yourself to grow and recognize the changes you’re making. Remember that change also means growth.
If there’s one thing to take away from this blog post, it’s realizing that finding your place is a combination of time and hard work rather than one or the other.